lt's All In The Beat...

2.18.16 4:31am

Hospital Waiting Room.

Call it a miracle, a gift or a result of nature but this baby is a blessing! As the first grand-baby in our family he will be loved, adored and cherished like no other. As I sit here and think about his little heart pounding at 146 bpm I can't help but think that God placed that little heart in there, he knitted together his very soul, my little nephew was made in the very hands of God.

I love you little Isaac, I can't wait to kiss you and cuddle you for the first time. 

Running Dry

   Sometimes I feel dry. . .I'm sure most people feel like this. Yet there are times I feel like the only one going through things.
   Sometimes I want to give-up. . .I'm sure most people feel like this. Yet there are times when I wonder if anyone cares whether or not I do.
   Sometimes I feel worthless. . .I''m sure most people feel like this. Yet there are times when I can't think of anyone else other than myself feeling like this.

   These are the times when I am most thankful for God's promise in Lamentations3:22-23, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!" When I read verses like this it feels like God is talking directly to my heart and I believe that he is through the Holy Spirit.
   He tells me that He is living water, I will never run dry with Him.
   He tells me that He will be there when I am at my weakest, when I am at the end of my rope, His strength will hold me up.
   He tells me that I am wanted, that I am treasured and that I am His.

The world can tell me lies, my own heart can tell me lies. But I know the truth and the truth I know rests in Jesus Christ.

A New Day

This morning I was sitting in bed, just woke up and my heart was sour. The day before I was in a fog, spent most of the day in a bad mood and now it seemed like it was carrying into this new beautiful day. I got up, did some computer work and my daily chores. After coming back into the house I decided like it was a good time to just sit down and open God’s Word. Sitting on my bed I put on some of Kari Jobe’s songs in the background a softly opened my bible and journal. I began writing. . .

“ ‘Wish it could be easy. . .’
That is the start of Kari Jobe’s song Steady my Heart. Lord, just steady my heart. Impress upon my heart the words of your heart. Teach me, guide me, convict me and test me.”

   I then opened my Bible to Nahum and read through the whole book (3 chapters). Nahum is about God’s wrath on Nineveh. There were a couple verses that popped out to me.
    Nahum 1:3 – His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, the clouds are the dust of His feet.

    Nahum 1:7 – The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who rust Him.

    Nahum 2:13 (Said to the city of Nineveh) - ‘I am against you’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘I will burn up your chariots in smoke, and the sword will devour your young lions. I will leave you no prey on earth. The voices of your messengers will no longer be heard.’

   After Nahum I opened my Bible to Psalms 90. The first two verses say this.
“Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.”

    My heart began to melt and break open, not in a bad way but as a sort of grieving. I have left my first love. I had ignored, neglected and sometimes rejected my One True Love. My Savior, my Maker, my God, my Lover. Now my heart was grieving for the times that are now lost, I can’t get those days back, the days I could’ve been diving into His Word, resting in His embrace and loving His kingdom. Just being alone with God for twenty minutes has altered my whole day. I can’t stop thinking of Him. He is in my every thought, my day began with Him and I am going to purpose to end it with Him. Tomorrow is a new day, no more ignoring and neglecting this amazing relationship, I am going to nurture it, cultivate it and watch it grow! It isn’t going to be easy but nothing supernatural is easy.

-julia <3

Just a Piece of the Puzzle

   God's plan is higher than our own. Throughout the year 2012 God had been shaping me. I started reading the Bible more, journaling and praying. During this time I specifically remember asking God to help me get into the habit of praying and reading His Word. I didn't know what to say to God, I mean he is the Creator of the universe! The Bible was so boring to me at that point that it was difficult just to open it up. So God started to answer my prayer. He taught me how to do these things.
   He was helping me to rebuild my self-confidence. No longer would I put my self-worth in the hands of the boys that I hung out with, but within the hands of my Father in heaven.At this point in time God was also preparing me and my heart for the future. I started to be attracted to broken people, like a magnet. I could see when people were hurting and broken, I felt their pain. Mostly teenagers. I had a guy friend at the time, he had worked with my family and I's business so I got to know him pretty well. We started messaging on social media and I found myself giving him advice and trying to help him solve some of life's greatest challenges, we talked quite a bit! Throughout this time I had another friend who was not a Christian yet had some interest. I spent a lot of time with her and the relationship grew to be pretty close.
   Through all this God was shaping my love for counseling young adults/teens. I am still one myself but one day I will not be. My love for teens has flourished as time goes on and I am so excited to see where God is leading me! The things that have happened to me, the things I have overcome are just one piece of the puzzle. I can't see the ultimate masterpiece, I can only put together pieces as God allows. This is what makes the journey of life exciting and exhilarating!

Drastic Change

Psalm 37:4 

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart

God knows my heart. . .inside and out. The verse above got me through some really tough times. After I gave up dreaming about my fantasy guy I had to make some changes. Changes that would help me to delight in the Lord instead of following the way of the world. I had to put my boy crazy ways behind me, so I started forcing myself to see the men/boys in my life as brothers in Christ rather than potential future husbands. This was hard because I like being in control, and by doing this I couldn't choose my future husband, God would have to.

I started to realize that I didn't want to be the person people thought I should be, I rooted myself in God. I started to become the person God wanted me to be. Through this time I learned that I was broken on my own, that I needed my family more than I thought. I also learned that I have a passion for helping young women grow in God. My heart was changing from being a cold glass room to being a beautiful blooming rose. Instead of seeing myself all the time I began to learn how to be a reflection of God's love. This journey is not easy, I am still working on it. But I want to change for Christ. I want to be everything God needs me to be! 

Who Am I?

    Proverbs 20:5

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.

I laid on my back in my bed. . .thinking about him. The guy I had been fantasizing about for 3+ years. He was handsome, different and seemed like my perfect dream guy! I had a plan all drawn up in my head, one day he would come and sweep me off my feet. Sadly I waited, and waited, and waited. . .nothing ever happened. He'd lead me on and then drop me like a dead flower. He'd talk to me like I was one of his friends then he'd talk bad about me behind my back. I didn't give up though, he was the guy I wanted! 

The day came when God knocked ever so carefully on my fragile heart, he wanted to come in. I opened up and in the darkness of my closet, with music in my headphones I silently cried my heart out to my Savior. I told him that I was hurting, that I felt worthless, not beautiful and empty. Why did I feel like this? At that moment, a very special thing happened, something I will always remember. I physically felt arms wrap around my shoulders. I sobbed even harder, this could not be happening. Time after time I would put dreaming about my fantasy guy above praying or spending time with the God who made me. Yet here He was in the darkness of my closet, he was loving me unconditionally. He was telling me that I was going to be okay, and that He was going to help me through it. 

That night I told myself that I was going to be done. No more dreaming about something that wouldn't happen. In fact, no more dreaming about guys anymore. I wanted to wait COMPLETELY for my future wonderful husband. So my story starts. . .as for the title. 

I am wanted. I am loved.