Drastic Change

Psalm 37:4 

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart

God knows my heart. . .inside and out. The verse above got me through some really tough times. After I gave up dreaming about my fantasy guy I had to make some changes. Changes that would help me to delight in the Lord instead of following the way of the world. I had to put my boy crazy ways behind me, so I started forcing myself to see the men/boys in my life as brothers in Christ rather than potential future husbands. This was hard because I like being in control, and by doing this I couldn't choose my future husband, God would have to.

I started to realize that I didn't want to be the person people thought I should be, I rooted myself in God. I started to become the person God wanted me to be. Through this time I learned that I was broken on my own, that I needed my family more than I thought. I also learned that I have a passion for helping young women grow in God. My heart was changing from being a cold glass room to being a beautiful blooming rose. Instead of seeing myself all the time I began to learn how to be a reflection of God's love. This journey is not easy, I am still working on it. But I want to change for Christ. I want to be everything God needs me to be! 

Who Am I?

    Proverbs 20:5

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.

I laid on my back in my bed. . .thinking about him. The guy I had been fantasizing about for 3+ years. He was handsome, different and seemed like my perfect dream guy! I had a plan all drawn up in my head, one day he would come and sweep me off my feet. Sadly I waited, and waited, and waited. . .nothing ever happened. He'd lead me on and then drop me like a dead flower. He'd talk to me like I was one of his friends then he'd talk bad about me behind my back. I didn't give up though, he was the guy I wanted! 

The day came when God knocked ever so carefully on my fragile heart, he wanted to come in. I opened up and in the darkness of my closet, with music in my headphones I silently cried my heart out to my Savior. I told him that I was hurting, that I felt worthless, not beautiful and empty. Why did I feel like this? At that moment, a very special thing happened, something I will always remember. I physically felt arms wrap around my shoulders. I sobbed even harder, this could not be happening. Time after time I would put dreaming about my fantasy guy above praying or spending time with the God who made me. Yet here He was in the darkness of my closet, he was loving me unconditionally. He was telling me that I was going to be okay, and that He was going to help me through it. 

That night I told myself that I was going to be done. No more dreaming about something that wouldn't happen. In fact, no more dreaming about guys anymore. I wanted to wait COMPLETELY for my future wonderful husband. So my story starts. . .as for the title. 

I am wanted. I am loved.